March 7, 2003
Hi and Shabbat Shalom!
I'm off to my 33rd Hebrew Camp this afternoon!
(I was pregnant with Dan at the first one at Raintree Ranch!)
I'll let you know about any new Evrit Chaya
skits......and some of the oldies but goodies!
Have a wonderful Shabbat!
Love,
Eemah
Eemah
Loved raintree.
Grew up a lot at raintree.
Did the movie thing.
Had fun.
Shabbat shalom and have a great weekend.
Sincerely,
Steve
Steve Kantor
President
Gnossos Software, Inc.
1720 I St. NW Suite 510
Washington, DC 20006
202-463-1200 ext. 408
www.gnossos.com
Gnossos Shares Knowledge
Subject: A Jewish Guide to Shoveling Snow
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Ariel Sharon - "The important thing is to shovel the entire
> width and breadth of the driveway, regardless of what
> anyone else thinks."
Hello Eemah,
I had no idea until now that I was a Sharonista! I left the great
Northwest for New England last Spring. Now I own a steep driveway and
have learned the wisdom of the Sharon doctrine :-).
Nathan Meyers
nmeyers@javalinux.net
Medford, MA
I hear you are trying to get a hold of me. What's up?
If you don't know the latest, I am a mom (who would guess?) of 2 awesome
little girls -Keeley Anne (3-1/2 yrs) and Sydney Grace (I still wonder about
the religious connotations of that middle name, but I love the sound of it)
who is 10 months.
I am a property manager by day of a 368 unit apartment complex. For the
first time in a long time, I really can't say I love my job, but I also
realize that change may be in the future - either a different boss or being
able to be practically a full time mom. By night, I teach jazz dance at my
mother in laws dance studio in Huntington Beach. When I don't have to
"work" at my day job, our plan is for me to be able to teach more during the
day while the kids are at school. What a dream.
Keeley is going to preschool at Temple Beth El in Aliso Viejo. She loves
it, and they have a great program directed by Terry Fierle. Do you know
her? They teach both Jewish and secular things, but I like the Jewish
touches they have - making challah on Friday, doing Shabbat, teaching the
holidays. It has brought back some of the religious feelings I lost in the
past. I hope the girls have a strong religious background like we had. Of
course, hind sight, I wish I would have held onto the traditions and holiday
celebrations a bit better than I had. Well, it's never too late to regain
those feelings and start new ones. My husband is not Jewish, but is a good
sport about going to Tot Shabbat, having Shabbat dinner when it was Keeley's
turn to get the Shabbat bag in her class, and doing "the holidays." We
celebrate Christmas and Easter too, without the church going. I don't think
the kids will be too screwed up. :)
My husband, Bob, is great. He is a chiropractor, a good one, who is just
begining to get his practice off the ground. He is very Tim Allen like,
loves cars, mechanical stuff, grunt, grunt, grunt.
I tried to call you at 619) 453-4399, but the number was wrong(?) If you
want, please call me at 949) 361-4761 at home or at 949) 498-2100 at work.
I work Sunday-Thursday. Please feel free to call me there. We are pretty
casual about personal phone calls.
Talk to you later, I am being called to a slumber/tea party in my daughter's
room.
Marji (Goldzband) Himes
This was forwarded to me, don't know the "author", MG(Barry and Joel's dad)
To: The Lord God Almighty
From: The Jews a.k.a. The Chosen people
Subject: Termination of Contract/Special Status
(Chosen People)
As you are aware, the contract made between you
and Abraham is up for renewal, and this memorandum
is to advise you that after, yea, those many
millennia of consideration, we, the Jews (The Chosen
People) have decided that we really do not wish to
renew.
We should point out immediately that there is
nothing in writing, and, contrary to popular
beliefs, we (The Jews) have not really benefited too
much from this arrangement. If you go back to the
early years of our arrangement, it definitely
started off on the wrong footing.
Not only was Israel and Judea invaded almost every
year, but we went to enormous expense to erect not
one but two Temples, and they were both destroyed.
All we have left is a pile of old stones called the
Western Wall (of course you know all this, but we
feel it's a good thing to account for all the
reasons we wish to terminate the contract).
After the Hittites, Assyrians, Goliaths, etc, not
only were we beaten up almost daily, but then we
were sold off as slaves to Egypt of all countries,
and really lost a few hundred years of development.
Now we realize that you went to a great deal of
trouble to send Moses to lead us out of Egypt, and
those poor Egyptian buggers were smitten (smote?)
with all those plagues, But, reflecting on those
years, we are at a loss to understand why it took
almost forty years to make a trip that El Al now
does in 75 minutes. Also, while not appearing to be
ungrateful, for years a lot of people have asked why
Moses led us left instead of right at Sinai? If we
had gone right, we would have had the oil!
OK, so the oil was not part of the deal, but then
the Romans came and we really were up to our necks
in dreck. While it's true that the Romans did give
us water fit to drink, aqueducts, and baths, it was
very disconcerting to walk down one of the vias,
look up, and see one of your friends or family
nailed to a three-by-four looking for all the world
like a sign post.
Even one of our princes, Judah ben Hur got caught
up with Roman stuff and drove like a crazy man
around the Coliseum. It's a funny thing but many
people swore that Ben Hur had an uncanny resemblance
to Moses...go figure.
Then, of all things, one of our rabbis (teachers)
declared himself "Son of You" (there was nothing
said about this with Abe) and before we knew what
was what, a whole new religion sprang up.
To add insult to injury, we were dispersed all
over the world two or three times while this new
religion really caught on! We were truly sorry to
hear that the Romans executed him like so many
others, but, ... alas, (and this will make you
laugh,) once again WE were blamed.
Now here's something we really don't understand.
That rabbi, one of ours and your own son, really
came into his own. Millions of people revered and
worshipped his name and scriptures....and still
killed us by the millions.
Claimed we drank the blood of new born infants,
and controlled the world banks (Oy! if only that
were so.) We could have bought them all off, and
operated the worlds' media and so on and so on. Are
we beginning to make our point here? OK so let's
fast-forward a few hundred years to the Crusades.
Hoo boy! Again we were caught in
the middle! They, the Lords and Knights, came from
all over Europe to smack the Arabs and open up the
holy places, but before we knew what hit us, they
were killing us right, left, and centre along with
everyone else.
Every time a king or a pope was down in the
opinion polls, they called a crusade or holy war,
and went on a killing rampage in our land. Today
it's called Jihad. OK, so you tested us a little
there, but then some bright cleric in Spain came up
with the Inquisition. We all thought it was a new
game show, but once again we and, we must admit,
quite a few others were used as firewood for a whole
new street lighting arrangement in major Spanish
cities.
All right, so that ended after about a hundred
years or so...in the great scheme of things not a
long time. But every time we settled down in one
country or another...they kicked us out! So we
wandered around a few hundred years or so, but it
never changed.
Finally we settled in a few countries but they
insisted we all live in ghettoes...no Westchesters
of Moscow for us. There we are in the ghettoes, when
what do you know? The Russians come up with the
Pogroms. We all thought they made a spelling mistake
and misspelled programs, but we were dead wrong (no
pun intended). Apparently, when there was nothing
else for them to do, killing the Jews (a.k.a. The
Chosen People, are you getting our drift?) was the
in thing.
Now comes some really tough noogies. We were doing
quite well, thank you, in a small European country
called Germany, when some house painter wrote a
book, said a few things that caught on and became
their leader....Whoo boy what a bad day that was for
us...you know... your Chosen People. We don't really
know where you were in the earth years 1940 to 1945.
We know everyone needs a break now and then...even
Lord God Almighty needs some time off. But
really...when we needed you most, you were never
around.
You are probably aware of this, but if you have
forgotten, over six million of your Chosen people,
along with quite a few unchosen others were
murdered.
They even made lamp shades out of our skins. Look,
we don't want to dwell on the past, but it gets
worse! Here we are, it's 1948, and millions of us
are displaced yet again, when you really pull a fast
one. We finally get our own land back! Yes!!! After
all these years, you arrange for us to go
back...then all the Arab countries immediately
declare war on us.
We have to tell you that sometimes your sense of
humour really eludes us.
Ok, so we win all the wars, but it's now 2002 and
nothing's changed. We keep getting blown up,
hijacked, and kidnapped. We have no peace
whatsoever.
Enough is enough. So, we hope that you understand
that nothing's forever (except you of course) and we
respectfully would like to pull out of our verbal
agreement vis-a-vis being your chosen people. Look,
sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't.
Let's be friends over the next few eons and see
what happens. How about this? We're sure you recall
that Abraham had a whole other family from Ishmael
(the ones who got the oil). How about making them
your chosen people for a few thousand years?
Respectfully yours,
JULIAN GECELTER
CASTIGATE UNIVERSAL STAMP & COINS
2nd FLOOR
EASTGATE OFFICE TOWER
EASTGATE SHOPPING COMPLEX
BEDFORDVIEW
SOUTH AFRICA
TEL:- +27-11-616 2705
FAX:- +27-11-622 1332
WEBSITE:- www.sastamps.com <http://www.sastamps.com
Subject: This is why I LOVE being JEWISH
WE HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER OFF!!!!
It's only TV and the media
That make people think
That the end of the world is coming.
Only 60 years ago,
They were leading Jews to their death
Like sheep to the slaughter!
No Country, No Army. 55 years ago!!
Seven Arab countries declared war
On the small Jewish State,
Only a few hours old!!
We were then 650,000 Jews!
Against the rest of the Arab world!
No IDF [Israel Defense Force].
No mighty Air Force,
Just tough people
With nowhere to go.
Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Jordan, Egypt,
Libya, Saudi Arabia, attacked all at once.
The country the UN "gave us"
Was 65% desert.
The country started from scratch!
35 year! s ago!! We fought
The three strongest armies in the Middle East,
And wiped them out in six days.
We fought against
Different coalitions of Arab countries,
With modern armies,
And masses of Soviet Russian weapons,
And we still won!!!
We have today
A country,
An army,
A strong Air Force,
A Hi-Tech Economy, exporting millions.
Intel - Microsoft - IBM develop their stuff here.
Our doctors win world prizes
For medical developments.
We made the desert flourish,
Selling oranges and vegetables to the world.
Israel has sent its own satellite into Space!!
Three satellites all together!!.
We sit proudly,
With the US, with 250 million people,
With Russia, with 200 million people,
With China, with 1.1 billion people,
With the Europeans -- France, England, Germany,
with 350 million people,
The only countries in the world
To shoot something into space!!
Israel is today
In! the world nuclear power family
With the US, Russia, China, India, France, and England. [We don't
admit it, but every one knows...]
To think that only 60 years ago,
We were led,
Shameful,
With no hope,
To our death!
We crawled out of the burning ashes of Europe,
We won our wars here with less than nothing
in our hands,
We built an "empire" out of nothing.
Who the hell is Mr. Arafat
To make me Scared?
To make me be Terrified?
You make me laugh!
Passover was celebrated;
Let's not forget what the story is all about.
We overcame Pharaoh,
We overcame the Greeks,
We overcame the Romans,
We overcame the Inquisition in Spain,
We overcame the Pogroms in Russia,
We overcame Hitler,
We overcame the Germans,
We overcame the Holocaust,
We overcame the armies of the seven Arab countries,
We overcame Saddam.
Take it easy, folks,
We will overcome
The present enemies too.
No matter
Which part of human history you try!
Think of it,For us,
The Jewish people,
Our situation has never been better!!!
So,
Let's Lift our Heads High,
Let's Remember:
Any nation or culture
That tried to mess around with us
Was destroyed -- while we kept going!!!
Egypt?
Anyone know where their empire disappeared to?
The Greeks?
Alexander of Macedonia?
The Romans?
Does anyone today speak Latin?
The Third Reich?
Anyone heard any news about it lately?
And look at us,
The Nation from the Bible,
>From Slavery in Egypt,
We are still here,
Speaking the same language!!
Right here, right now.
The Arabs don't know it yet,
But, they will learn that there is one God.
As long as we keep our identity,
We are eternal.
So, sorry for not worrying,
! Not bitching,
Not crying,
Not being scared.
Things are O. K. here.
They surely can be better,
But still:
Don't fall for the media junk,
They won't tell you
That there are
Festivals going on,
That people keep on living,
That people are going out,
That people are seeing friends.
Yes, our morale is low,
So what?
It's only because we weep for our dead
While they enjoy the blood.
This is the same reason why,
We will win, after all.
You can forward this e-mail
If you choose.
To the whole Jewish community,
And to people throughout the world.
They are part of our strength.
It might help some of them
To keep their heads up high.
Tell them
That there is nothing to worry about.
Tell them to think BIG, and
To see the whole picture.
"See You Next Year in Jerusalem."
Send this letter to as many people as you can.
The Truth is the best ! means to counter misinformation.
--------------------------------------------------------
Response from J.J. Gass:
Eemah, I have to say that although I'm almost certainly in the minority, I doubt that I'm the only one on the list who doesn't exactly subscribe to the sentiments in the "Why I'm Proud to Be a Jew" poem that ended your last dispatch (one small factual point that I don't think anyone will disagree on is that although the writer says "the Arabs don't know it yet/But, they will learn that there is one God," almost all Arabs are either Christian or Muslim and hence monotheists already (as long as you give the Christians a break on that Holy Trinity stuff!)).
I am proud to be a Jew--you, among others, taught me to be--but not because there are Jews who say things like "It's only because we weep for our dead/While they enjoy the blood." Dehumanizing others is not a Jewish value, at least according to what I was taught at Beth Israel.
I'm proud to be a Jew because Judaism teaches me to weep as much for dead Palestinian children and civilian adults as for Jews: the value of every individual is the value of an entire world. What then is the value of an entire people? I don't revel in the notion that the Arabs will some day go the way of the Romans. The writer tells us to remember what Passover is about; what I remember is that we remove a drop of wine from our cups for each of the plagues the Egyptians suffered, because it is not our belief that human suffering, even of those who oppressed us, is to be celebrated.
Nor does my pride in what the Israeli Jews made of the desert before and after 1948 entitle me to ignore settlers' seizing olive groves in 2003 from Arabs whose families have tended them for generations. And if we are to take the view that we should look after our own first, then perhaps it would be well to point out that the Jews who think it's God's wish for them to steal land and "transfer" Arabs out of the West Bank altogether are the same ones who have ensured that Reform rabbis cannot perform legally binding marriages or conversions in Israel and who have thrown garbage on Jewish women who dare to pray with men anywhere in the vicinity of the Western Wall. This is not the Judaism in which I take pride.
As I say, I don't expect the majority to share my views. But the invitation at the end of the poem to circulate it broadly to other Jews expresses a common assumption that almost all Jews share the poem's sentiments, and I believe it is important to make clear that the assumption is incorrect.
J. J. Gass
jjgass@post.harvard.edu
March 15, 2003
Hi, Shabbat Shalom and Happy Purim!
Yumbo!
Sydney, Aunt Lani and I just finished making Hamentashen.....The recipe follows...
Have a peaceful Shabbat and a fun-filled Purim!
Love,
Eemah
1 CUP MARGARINE
1 8oz PKG CREAM CHEESE
2 CUPS FLOUR
Mix together, wrap in foil and chill
Roll out to 1/8" thick
Cut in circles
Place 1/2 tsp filling* in the center
Pinch three corners
Brush with egg
Place on greased cookie sheet
Bake at 375 for 30 minutes
*FILLING
I use canned solo products:
Prune, Poppyseed, Apricot, Date, Almond
