March 2, 2001
Shabbat Shalom!!
Yesterday I spent a wonderful morning with Jennifer Lewis, her 4 kids and her mom!!
T'was so much fun to catch up with her!
Jenny was my madrichah for the 5th grade ulpan class when the Steves, Jimmy and all of that incredible group were my students!
We had fun remembering some of the antics!
Spoke to Steve Makoff who was off to Davis to visit their daughter, Jessica! Can you Swig folks believe that she's in college...and that Jennifer is a mother of two?!!
Also spent some time with Michael Zeldin...Professor Michael Zeldin....Sivan, His and Leah's daughter was the rosh at the reinstated solel program at Swig last summer!
Hope all is well with all of you!
Keep those bios coming!
Remember to click on those mitzvah sites!
Have a great Shabbat and a wonderful rest of the week!
Love,
Eemah
A group of leading medical researchers have published data indicating that
Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and
charoses.
It seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with
Metamucil. The brand name, of course, is..."Let My People Go."
Old Jewish men in Miami get hernias from wearing chai's which are too
heavy. This condition is called chaiatal hernia!"
If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what
does a mohel carry? A bris kit!
JEWISH JEOPARDY
We give the answer, you give the question
A: Midrash
Q: What is a Middle East skin disease?
A: The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?
A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?
A: Sofer
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?
A: Babylon
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?
A: Filet Minyan
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut, and a cut?
And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering
circumcisions via the Internet. The service is to be
called..."E-MOIL."
March 9, 2001
Shabbat Shalom!
Here's a fun parody sent via
Rabbi Steve Gross!
Have a fun filled Shabbat and enjoy the rest of the week!
Love,
Eemah
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE SHABBAT
by: Rabbi Feinstein
OH, THE JEWS UP IN JEWVILLE
THEY LOVED THEIR SHABBAT,
FROM THE OLDEST OF OLD FOLKS
TO THE YOUNGEST OF TOTS.
WITH CANDLES AND WINE
AND CHOCOLATE CHIP CHALLAH,
THEY FELT OH SO GOOD
TILL WAY PAST HAVDALLAH.
THEY ALL WENT TO SHUL
TO HEAR RABBI SCHULWEIS
WHO SAID "IT'S IMPORTANT
TO TREAT EVERYONE NICE."
AND AFTER THE SERVICE
EACH TOOK HIS TALLIS
AND RAN TO TABLE S
FOR COOKIES AND CHALLAHS.
BUT THERE WAS ONE AMONG THEM,
THOUGH HE WAS BORN YIDDISH,
WHO DIDN'T LIKE CANDLES OR CHALLAH OR KIDDUSH.
IN FACT, SHABBAT MADE HIM SO ANGRY AND BLUE-ISH,
YOU'D HARDLY HAVE GUESSED THAT HE WAS BORN JEWISH.
SINCE HIS BAR MITZVAH, HE GREW NOT AN INCH.
HE WAS TINY, AND HAIRY, AND THEY CALLED HIM
THE GRINCH.
HE LIVED ON A MOUNTAINTOP
FAR ABOVE TOWN.
ON EACH SHABBAT EVENING
HE'D SAY WITH A FROWN:
"WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL,
WITH THEIR CANDLES AND BRACHAS,
TO ME, THE WHOLE THING IS A PAIN IN THE TUCHAS.
I DON'T FEEL ANY DIFFERENT FROM FRIDAY TILL SUNDAY.
I DON'T NEED YOUR SHABBAT - GIVE ME ANY OLD MONDAY!
I'LL SHOW THEM, I'LL SHOW THEM!
I'LL STEAL THEIR SHABBAT!
I'LL TAKE ALL THE WINE AND THE CANDLES THEY'VE GOT!"
SO HE SET ABOUT BUILDING
A SHABBAT-STEALING MACHINE.
IT WAS NUCLEAR POWERED
IT WAS NOISY AND MEAN.
HE BUILT THE WORLD'S FIRST
SHABBAT CANDLE BLOWER-OUTER
THAT BLEW OUT THE CANDLES
WITH UCKY GREEN POWDER.
THEN ONE FRIDAY NIGHT
WHILE THEY WELCOMED SHABBAT,
THE GRINCH SAW HIS CHANCE
TO HATCH HIS MEAN PLOT.
WHILE THEY ALL SAT IN SHUL,
SO POLISHED AND CLEAN,
THE GRINCH FROM HIS MOUNTAINTOP
BROUGHT DOWN HIS MACHINE.
WHILE THE CANTOR SANG PRAYERS
AND THE RABBI TOLD FABLES,
THE GRINCH CAME DOWN CHIMNEYS
TO ATTACK SHABBAT TABLES.
AS THE JEWS IN THE SHUL
DAVENED LOUDER AND LOUDER
THE GRINCH, HE REV'ED UP
HIS SHABBAT CANDLE BLOWER-OUTER.
HE SNUFFED ALL THEIR CANDLES,
HE STOLE ALL THEIR CHALLAHS,
HE SPILLED KIDDUSH WINE
ALL OVER THEIR TALLIS.
THERE WAS NO ONE TO STOP HIM.
THEY WERE ALL STILL IN SHUL
AS HE POURED THEIR CHICKEN SOUP
RIGHT INTO THE POOL.
HE ATE ALL THEIR KUGEL
HE ATE UP THEIR HERRING
HE ATE ALL THEIR DESSERTS
WITHOUT EVEN SHARING!
THAT GRINCH HE STOLE SHABBAS
FROM ALL THEIR MISHPOCHAS,
FROM SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS
SOME PEOPLE GET NACHAS.
HE RUINED THEIR SHABBAT,
DIDN'T STOP TOTHINK TWICE.
HE EVEN STOLE SHABBOS
FROM RABBI SCHULWEIS.
THE GRINCH STOLE THE SHABBOS
FROM JEWVILLE'S FINE JEWS.
HE WENT UP THEIR STREETS
AND DOWN AVENUES
'TIL HE FINALLY ARRIVED
AT THE ROAD BY THE CREVICE,
THE VERY LAST STREET
WHERE THEY DRINK MANISCHEVITZ.
AT THE END OF THE BLOCK
LIVED LITTLE SUZIE LE'JEW
WHO COULDN'T MAKE IT TO SHUL -
SHE WAS HOME WITH THE FLU.
OF ALL JEWVILLE'S JEWS
LITTLE SUZIE WAS SMARTEST,
SHE STUDIED THE LONGEST,
SHE STUDIED THE HARDEST.
SHE KNEW KIDDUSH AND MOTZI
AND BIRKAT BY HEART.
SHE KNEW SHEMA AND AMIDAH
AND THE IN-BETWEEN PARTS
THAT ONLY THE CANTOR AND YOSSI COULD SAY,
IF ONLY THE RABBI WOULD LET PEOPLE PRAY!
NOW THIS LITTLE SUZIE
SLEPT SNUG IN HER BED
WHILE CANDLES AND CHALLAH
DANCED IN HER HEAD.
WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
AND IN THROUGH HER WINDOW CAME THE GRINCH ON A LADDER.
NOW SUZIE, IN DARKNESS,
JUST COULD NOT SEE.
"WHO IS THIS VISITOR?
WHO COULD IT BE?"
SHE THOUGHT MAYBE ZAYDA
HAD FORGOTTEN HIS KEY
OR PERHAPS COUSIN HERSCHEL
HAD DROPPED IN FOR TEA.
SO SHE JUMPED OUT OF BED
GAVE A KISS AND HUG
SHE WHISPERED, "GOOD SHABBOS"
TO HIS HAIRY MUG.
NOW THE GRINCH DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HIT HIM THAT NIGHT.
EVERYONE HE WOULD MEET
RAN AWAY IN GREAT FRIGHT.
THIS WAS THE FIRST SHABBOS KISS HE HAD GOT
SINCE HE WAS A KID BACK IN RABBI JAY'S TOT SHABBAT.
AT THAT VERY MOMENT
HIS HEART STARTED TO BEAT
HE FELT WARM AND TINGLY
FROM HIS HEAD TO HIS FEET.
OUT OF HIS EYES
CAME FLOWING THE TEARS
FROM ALL OF THE HUGS
THAT HE'D MISSED ALL THOSE YEARS.
"I'VE DONE SOMETHING AWFUL,"
THE GRINCH STARTED TO CRY.
"I'VE DONE SOMETHING AWFUL
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY."
"WE BELIEVE IN TESHUVA,"
SUZIE WISELY EXPLAINED.
WE BELIEVE THAT YOUR WAYS
CAN ALWAYS BE CHANGED!"
"BUT WHAT CAN I DO
TO EARN LOVE IN YOUR EYES?
WHAT CAN I DO
TO APOLOGIZE?"
"THE JEWS OF OUR TOWN ARE FORGIVING AND TRUE
THE JEWS OF OUR TOWN WILL LEARN TO LOVE YOU
BUT FIRST YOU MUST SHOW
YOUR WORDS COME FROM THE HEART
CLEAN UP YOUR MESS,
THAT'LL BE A GOOD START!
PUT BACK THE CANDLES
AND PUT BACK THE CHALLAHS.
PUT BACK THE WINE
PUT BACK THE TALLIS!
BUT HURRY UP, MR. GRINCH
IT'S TIME TO BE NERVOUS
'CAUSE HERE COME THE JEWS
HOME FROM THE SERVICE!"
THE GRINCH HE MOVED FAST
LIKE A MIGHTY TORNADO.
THE GRINCH HE MOVED FASTER
THAN EVEN SIGFREDO.
HE PUT BACK THEIR CANDLES.
HE PUT BACK THEIR CHALLAHS.
HE PUT BACK THE WINE
HE CLEANED UP THE TALLIS.
HE SET ALL THE TABLES WITH GLEAMING WHITE DISHES.
HE FILLED ALL THEIR PLATES WITH BRISKET AND KNISHES.
SO THE JEWS OF OLD JEWVILLE
CAME HOME SINGING SONGS
AND THEY NEVER FOUND OUT
THERE WAS ANYTHING WRONG.
THE GRINCH DID TESHUVA
AND CHANGED ALL HIS WAYS
HE LEARNED TO LOVE SHABBOS
ALL OF HIS DAYS.
ALL OF HIS MEANNESS AND ANGER AND STINK -
HE GOT RID OF ALL,
HE NEEDED NO SHRINK.
INSTEAD HE HAD SUZIE,
HIS WISE LITTLE TEACHER,
WHO TAUGHT HIM THAT IN
THE HEART OF EACH CREATURE
IS GOD'S SPECIAL LIGHT,
'CAUSE IN GOD'S IMAGE WE'RE MADE
AND SO THERE'S NO REASON
TO EVER BE AFRAID.
THE GRINCH LOVED THE TORAH
SO MUCH THAT ONE DAY
HE SIGNED UP TO BE A RABBI
UP AT THE UJ.
AND SO MY DEAR FRIENDS
THIS SHABBOS, DON'T MISS,
TURN AROUND TO SOMEONE,
GIVE A HUG AND A KISS.
SUZIE HAS TAUGHT US
THAT EVEN A GRINCH
WITH ENOUGH HUGS AND KISSES
CAN TURN INTO A PRINCH.
March 16, 2001
Hi and Shabbat Shalom x 2!!
Next weekend I'll be at Hebrew Camp!
I think that this is my 32nd Hebrew Camp....!!?!
I was pregnant with Daniel at the first one!
My newest Madrichim are raring to go....They are recycling some of your evrit chaya skits and developing some new ones!
I'll be thinking of all of you....and retelling fun stories about antics of past camps!! (Who remembers Steve Gross as a gorilla? or the famous A-frame?)
Have a wonderful Shabbat x 2!
Love,
Eemah
The following is from (speaking of antics...) Allison Adler
Holocaust Remembrance Day (May 2nd, 2001)
Please wait 20 Seconds before you close this e-mail.
This message asks you to do one small act to remember the six million
(6,000,000) Jewish lives that were lost during the Holocaust.
Send this message to everyone you know who is Jewish.
If we reach the goal of reaching six million e-mail names before
May 2nd, we will fulfill and give back to G-d what He gave to us: 6
Million Jews who are alive today who remember those who perished.
Please send this message to as many Jews as you know. Ask them to send
it to others.
March 30, 2001
Hebrew Camp was fun!
Here's a new Evrit Chaya for you!
"Put that cup on a COSter!"
There is nothing quite like Shabbat at camp!
Much love and Shabbat Shalom!
Eemah
The following is from Lenie Greenspan!
Enjoy!
Laugh for today!!!
>For those who already have children
>past this age, this is hilarious.
>
>For those who have children at this
>age, this is not funny.
>
>For those who have children nearing
>this age, this is a warning.
>
>For those who have not yet had
>children, this is birth control.
>
>The following came from an anonymous
>mother in Austin, Texas.
>
>THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...
>(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough
>water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house
>4 inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on dust
>bunnies and run over them with roller blades,
>they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3 year olds voice is louder
>than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan,
>the motor is not strong enough to rotate a
>42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
>superman cape. It is strong enough, however,
>if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on
>all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
>
>5. You should not throw baseballs up
>when the ceiling fan is on. When using the
>ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw
>the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
>A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double pane)
>doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words
>"Uh-oh," it's already too late.
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke,
>and lots of it.
>9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock
>even though a 36 year old man says they can only
>do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start
>a fire even on an overcast day.
>
>10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive
>tract of a four year old.
>11. Play Dough and Microwave should never
>be used in the same sentence.
>12. Super glue is forever.
>13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a
>swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
>14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
>15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even
>though TV commercials show they do.
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise
>when driving.
>18. You probably do not want to know what
>that odor is.
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn
>it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
>20. The fire department in Austin, TX has
>a 5 minute response time.
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine
>does not make earth worms dizzy.
>22. It will however make cats dizzy.
>22. Cats throw up twice their body
>weight when dizzy.
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
The mind of a six year old is wonderful....
>First Grade.....true story.
>One day the first grade teacher was reading the
>story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
>She came to the part of the story where the first
>pig was trying to accumulate the building materials
>for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up
>to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
>said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
>straw to build my house?'"
>
>The teacher paused then asked the class,
>"And what do you think that man said?"
>
>One little boy raised his hand and said,
>"I think he said 'Holy S*#!! A talking pig!'"
>
>The teacher was unable to teach for the
>next 10 minutes.
Let's see if we can identify any of the other
adorable kids in this photo!
Please send me your input!!
Love,
Eemah
----- Original Message -----
From: "Yair Kobernick" <kobrzeit@netvision.net.il>
To: " The Schlafmans" <schlaf@simplyweb.net>
Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2001 11:13 PM
Subject: Old Picture
> Dear Helene
>
> Ok, here it is. This must have been around 1965 or 1966. Mel Weinman was
> Rabbi. Sukka was inside the sanctuary (not kosher of course!). Familiar
> faces that I can still recall:
>
> FRONT ROW from left side:
> 1st child is Ross Kobernick (me!), 3rd child is Diane Solomon, 4th is my
> wife, Dina (Diane) Zeitlin (we laugh at the white gloves), 5th child is
> Juile Bloom, 9th and last is Leslie Malkoff.
>
> Second Row from left side:
> I only recgonize Ricky Shumacher, 3rd child
>
> Third Row
> Can't recall anyone
>
> Fourth Row
> 1st on the left is Shawn Goodman
>
> Can you find anyone else?
>
> All the best,
> Yair Kobernick
